Well, hey hey, it's been a while. Haha sorry about that. It's been officially 2 years yesterday since I reported to the MTC. Thursday will mark 6 months of being home. Life has been way more difficult and complicated that I ever imagined when I was in the field. I definitely see why so many missionaries struggle in their first few months being home. I don't know how to explain it. I was doing good maybe the first month being back. I still prayed on a regular basis and studied the scriptures and all the good stuff that I'm supposed to do, but suddenly it became so hard and even though I had the desire to do good missionary things I just never got around to them. I fell. Although I never stopped going to church, and prayed every now and then, my faith and determination to hold fast nearly disintegrated. I almost gave up. I felt like coming home was like being dropped into a white-water rapids and I was barely able to grasp for air let alone keep my head above water. But one thing never left me, and that was the connection I had to God. Looking back I did no once felt like God didn't love me or wasn't rooting for me. I held onto that as hard as I could until I knew I could steady myself in the waters.
Things got better when I moved into my dorm and started college. I made other LDS friends and went to an Institute class specifically for returned missionaries. I felt like I could finally swim again and decide which turns to take in the river of life. Now here I am, 6 months later. Even though it has been one of the hardest mountains to climb I have nearly made it to the summit. Things still aren't easy. I get reminded of that every day, but I'm almost there. I can practically see the finish. Instead of worrying if I can make it, I am beginning to see others struggling along their way. I am ready to help them. I am determined to build my faith and I am willing to give everything to make the world a better place. I'm really starting to believe we are constantly being crafted by the Lord to become the tools He needs us to be. I honestly believe that. Even though it has been incredibly challenging and frustrating, I have learned more these last months than I ever have before. And as goes one of my personal philosophies: And it has all been worth it.
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AuthorHOLLEY STRINGHAM: Salt Lake City, born and raised; returned missionary from the Indonesia Jakarta Mission.; a simple folk aimed on changing the world Archives
October 2017
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